Success a life built upon your own terms is not all that hard to explain, but for the majority of Men, it is really hard to achieve. When I say success, I don't mean money or women or things - it actually means one simple thing - Success on Your Terms - whatever that means to you, not me, not society, not your family, your friends, your dog, or any other person in the world - just you.
To that point, there is one simple mindset that can help - if you truly want to strip away everything you've been taught, or thought you knew - an it is this very simple anagram:
I -- I
D -- Don't
G -- Give
A -- A
F -- Fuck
Think about that for a second and then just understand the over-riding simplicity of it. If your mindset is IDGAF then who is actually at the center of your life - it has to be you ... and if IDGAF is the central theme, who is driving "what life means to me"? Once again, it has to be you.
Basically is takes "outcome independence" to the extreme - and we have to get to that extreme to be able to have any balance - because we have been taught to "give a fuck" about everything and every body in our lives FIRST, before we ever think about ourselves. As Men, you are pounded day in and day out about how it's more important to think about other people - but is it? Is it more important to think so much about other people, that you can't even answer a simple question like "So do you want?" - because if I want something, that means someone else can't have it.
Personally, I'm not there. I still give a fuck about too many things - and those are usually other people-oriented things. I care what others think of me, I care what my kids think of me, I care what my family thinks about me, I care what my friends think of me, I care what people I don't even know care about me, I care what my (x)wife thinks of me, I care, I care, I care ... and guess how well that's been working for me.
I keep asking myself, what would happen if I just didn't give a fuck what anyone else thought. I don't give a fuck what my credit score was, I don't give a fuck if I ever get laid again, I don't give a fuck about what I said? What would happen? Would I be liked less? Probably, but the opposite might be, that I respect myself more. Would I people not want to be around me? Probably the people I have around me today, but I might also find people I like to be around more. Would I have less stuff, potentially die poor? Sure, but who says more stuff is better? Maybe less stuff is better, or maybe the stuff I really like is the best stuff to keep?
We care so much, about what other people think about us - that we are willing to do things we hate, live with situations that make us unhappy, go to jobs that suck the life from us, help people we could less about, talk about subjects that bore us, and on and on and on.
I've really come to the conclusion that caring less about THAT and caring more about ME is the way forward. I've been thinking about going "nomad" in a couple years - having nothing but my truck, a tent, my laptop/phone, and no idea where I'm going to see or do next. What I do to "make a living" is not location dependent - so not worried about that. Most people wonder mostly about how "but you won't have any support system" ... well, I don't have much of one now. There are only a couple people that would bail me out of jail or help me if I was stranded at 4am, so what if I just decided to be self-reliant?
Just some thoughts I've had recently ... be interesting to live your life like that.
Eyes front Gentlemen. Live. Learn. Lead.