I had a thought and had to get it out ….
What would I tell my son, if he told me a story (like the one I'm currently in) and asked my advice. So the following is what I would tell him, which in turn, is exactly what I would tell myself. I've been unwilling to have this self talk, so I'm putting it her for anyone that is currently struggling with a relationship ... it's what I would say to my son, and to myself ….
"Stop focusing on her - if you want to spend time with this woman, spend it - but do it because you want to give away your time to her. You can do anything with your time, once it's gone, it's gone - you don't get it back, ever.
But don't give her anything else. Don't give her your heart, she's not willing to give her's to you. Don't give her your commitment, she's not willing to give her's to you. Don't give her any of your precious thoughts, your energy, and especially, don't give her your love - she's not willing to give you any of those things.
Quit listening to her bullshit. Quit getting caught up in her emotions. Quit giving her your future. She is not willing to give you any of that in return. Understand, she really can't give you the love you want, she will never appreciate how you feel, she will only take and then want more. She wants you to be desirable to other women, but will look for ways to make you less desirable. She wants you to be strong, but she will look for way to make you weak. She will attack you in places that no one else will attack, because you have provided her with the weapons to do it.
Really, the only thing you can do right now, is stop focusing on her, and start focusing on you. Everytime you wonder what she's doing, you need to find something to do yourself. Everytime you start thinking about a future with her, you need to start thinking of your future and what you want to do. Everytime there is a question about her, stop and refocus on what you have to do to get what you want. She can't be the goal - she doesn't really want to be the goal.
I know you care about her. From the way you've talked about her, I know you love her deeply and want nothing but to be with her. And I also know, those emotions are powerful and overwhelming and consume every Man that has ever felt them - but you have to stop. If she's worthy of you, she will seek you out. If she loves you, she won't want to be with another man. If she wants a life with you, she will follow you. If she doesn't, then she's not worthy of all those gifts you want to give her.
Stop thinking of her, and start thinking of yourself. Trust in yourself more than you trust in her. Believe that you are worthy, you are enough and you are the PRIZE. Anything less than that, and you are settling - and only the starving Man settles."
Eyes front Gentlemen. Live. Learn. Lead.