Saturday, November 9, 2013

And there's still 23 hours left in the day....

One of the things my Dad told (about sex and marriage) is that no matter what, you have to really like the person you marry and that sex is great, but there are lots of hours in the day that are not related to sex.  His statement was something like the following...
Even if you have sex everyday, and even if it lasts an hour, there are still 23 hours left in the day
Now, I think he said something like "15 minutes of sex" but I think my Dad was a bit of "get in and get out" type of guy.  And, I don't know how much attraction there was in between the parents - but hey, that was their life, not mine.

The point is, make sure there is more between you and the woman you choose to marry that just sex.  Don't get so caught up in the sex, that you forget that you have to spend many, many hours with this person that have nothing to do with sexy stuff.  That level of high attraction, is hard to maintain in a marriage or any relationship - it's there in the beginning in spades - but after a while, it ebbs and flows.  Athol opens his Married Man Sex Life Primer with this statement...
At some point in your marriage, you’re going to look over at your wife and wonder what you got yourself into. Marriage which seemed so very traditional and conservative will suddenly seem as risky as skydiving when someone else packed your chute. Why would you, a perfectly rational man subject yourself to getting married?
Kay, Athol (2011-04-09). The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (p. 1).  . Kindle Edition. 
And his take on sex in marriage was eye-opening to me.  I read his book too late to save my marriage, but not to late to create some understanding of why it went south.  This is another example it...
When it comes to sex, we have a multitude of biological programming hard-wired into us that very much sets our interest in the opposite sex. What we find sexually attractive in others is usually beyond our rational control. In fact our minds may very much wish to be attracted to some group of traits or someone in particular, but our bodies can choose for sexual interest in other traits or someone else entirely. This is why a woman can swear she wants to love and have a relationship with a “Nice Guy,” but then finds herself drawn into sweaty entanglements with a “Bad Boy.”
Kay, Athol (2011-04-09). The Married Man Sex Life Primer 2011 (p. 4).  . Kindle Edition. 
Almost everything in that paragraph was in some way "known" to me under the covers, but I didn't have it embedded in my belief system.  I knew something wasn't working in my marriage, actually in my life, but I didn't realize what it was - and so for every question from my wife about "why" or "what" - I just didn't have the answer.  She thought I was an ass, that I knew, just didn't want to share - but in reality, I really didn't know.

Back to the point....pick wisely any woman you spent a significant amount of time with - because time is the most precious resource anyone has in their lives -- a thousand times more precious than money.  And if you think about having kids, you better know this other person - because your kids will have her genetic code intermingled with yours.  Why handicap your own flesh-n-blood because you made a bad choice in women - or because she had a bangin' body (but no personality or brains).  And if you know nothing about her family history - you could be in for a huge shock (I know I was).  So be careful - sex is only a small part of your life, never allow it to be the driving force - it is a fleeting feeling and the satisfaction you get from it pales in comparison to the satisfaction of reaching a personal goal, starting the business, visiting that special place and a hundred other things.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

1 comment:

  1. A lot of the red pill is stuff people already know, but have forsaken.



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