Wednesday, October 30, 2013

When all else fails...

I read something a few months back about you should always pick people for your life that "lift you up and make you better" and always get rid of people that "make you less than you are".  I know why that struck me, my mind set at the time was interesting at best, because of the drawn out nature of my separation and pending divorce - but the essence of that statement has value across all relationships - friendships, family, love interests and could even be extended to your professional life.

One of the things we have to guard against, especially as Men, is the urge to "save" people.  I believe it's part of our inherent nature (as Men) to want to do that.  There have been times in my life, when it was much more prevalent than other.  I remember one time, in my mid 20's when I saw this older guy getting bullied in a grocery store parking lot by some teenagers, and I just had to stop it - it almost ended badly for everyone - luckily someone else stepped in and it all settled down.  My point being, I didn't know this person, never saw him again in my life - but I had to step in and do something.

And I've done that in personal relationships - I've had friends that were messes, and I was there to pick up the pieces.  I've had girlfriends that always needed help with one thing or another.  I married a woman that was always going to do this or that and I continued to fund these adventures.  I do some of that with my kids, helping them when maybe they'd be better off "learning a lesson" - but it's a fine line and hard to do when you love and care about someone.

Now, this goes beyond the basics of being a White Knight - and deciding that it's your mission to save the world - or your little piece of it.  I'm just talking about the normal stuff that happens - and those people that we bring into our lives - until you know someone, you don't know them - and when you do finally know them, you may be completely sucked into their shit.   It's at those times, you have to make the tough choices in your life - at some point, it has to be about saving yourself, and not someone else.

If you aren't the best Man you can be, then you're not any good for anyone.  Sucks but true.  And if the people around you, are not making you better, then they are helping you be a "worse" version of you.  Life moves forward, grow or die - sometimes dying takes a lifetime.

Eye front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

1 comment:

  1. George Washington once said, "Associate yourself with Men of good Quality if you Esteem your own Reputation; for 'is better to be alone than in bad Company."

    http://www.foundationsmag.com/civility.html (#55)

    Holds true here as well. Better to be alone than among people who bring you down.

    Wald

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