Sunday, October 27, 2013

Is there anything to say....

I've admitted it before, I love my (x)wife - still do.  I know things about her that I don't want to know - I know she's human and I know that she's made mistakes.  I also know that she is the quintessential woman - in the way she behaves, the way she acts, the actions she takes, the words she uses, the way that she gets angry, they way she fights - I've seen it and witnessed it.

I also know, that even through all that, I would take her back.  That I would forgive her, even for things that she wouldn't admit to doing.  Oh, there would be times when I'd be angry about it.  Mostly about my weakness and allowing her back into my life - but I would still do it.

I also know, I would try to keep my frame to be "the man", but in the end, I would become that person who I ended up despising before.  The guy that was emotionally and physically vapor locked - the one that couldn't do anything right (in her opinion and eventually mine) - the one that all the luck had dried up in his life.

But tonight, as I write, none of that matters.  If she were here right now, I would hold her and just tell her not to give up, to keep trying, to keep going.  That she has strength she doesn't even know she has, that even though life may have knocked her down a few times, she can get up one more time - and her dream life is just over the next hill.  It's too early to quit.  I would tell her all those things, as I held her in my arms and said "I love you and admire you".

The sad thing, those are the same words I always wanted to hear from her.

Life isn't easy Gentlemen.  That's not the role we play.  There may be no one to tell you how great you are, how appreciated you are, how strong you are - regardless, you have to pick yourself up and get to the next place.  The end goal is elusive.  It's a hard truth to swallow, that the people you give your life to may never let you know, and never show you any support.  Ultimately, you will live your life supporting others - it's what we do, it's what we have always done, it's what we will always do.  Don't rage against it, accept it, then live your life accordingly.

Eyes front Gentlemen.  Live, Learn, Lead.

1 comment:

  1. "Ultimatly, you will live your life supporting others..."

    Just don't forget to support yourself.

    Wald

    ReplyDelete

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