Wednesday, October 16, 2013

D if for Divorce...

Tomorrow is my D-Day.  I have to admit, as little as 24 hours ago, I didn't think this day would come, let alone come so quickly.  Within the last 12 hours, the following has happened...
  1. I found out my original filing for divorce (or dissolution of marriage as it legally called) would be dismissed by next Wednesday (10-23) if there was not "due cause" for the delay.
  2. I spoke with my lawyer, we discussed the changes I wanted made to the settlement (done in March but never signed by my STBX) and he gladly did them.  In fact he was surprised I was requesting the changes and really didn't believe the STBX would even agree to them.
  3. Picked up the papers at 2pm from his office.
  4. By 2:30p was pulling into the STBX wife's house to delivery them.
  5. By 3p we were driving to the bank to get our signatures notarized.
  6. By 4p dropped the papers off at the lawyer's office, he called the court and arranged a time to see the judge for final approval.
  7. By 4:30p was leaving STBX wife's house with my youngest son, going to my house to have dinner with all my kids.
By tomorrow afternoon, I will no longer be married to her.  18 1/2 years of marriage (but to be honest, the decision to divorce was about about 3 years ago), fully separated for 2+ years and it tool less than 24 hours to get the whole thing finalized and agreed upon.  We both drug our feet for years - only to get it done in just a few hours - it's amazing what deadlines will do for you.

I don't know how I feel about it all just yet.  There won't be a party, there won't be any smiles or celebrations.  Because, I didn't get married to get divorced.  In April of 1995, I didn't think about divorcing in 2013 - that was never even a thought in my head.  We got married for a specific reason - to live the rest of our lives together.  

Well, the story took a different path.

As I've stated, it's my kids that I worry about.  As much as I morn the death of my marriage, it's how the kids will handle the next chapter that is of the highest concern to me now.  I know my (x)wife will be fine - she is a survivor, she always has been.  But I also know that there will be either a marriage to a new man or a revolving door of men - and that my kids will have to witness that and if they are still at home, be put into the middle of it.  I'll be there for them, I can take care of them, they can live with me and even if I date, they won't be involved, they may not even know it's happening - because I don't believe they should be exposed to that.  And I admit, I may change my mind - but today, that's how I feel.

Tomorrow begins a new chapter.  The marriage chapter has ended, now the divorce chapter begins.  As I told my daughter once after a particularly sad movie we saw together - it's only sad because that's where they decided to end it.

Stay strong Brothers.  Live, Learn, Lead.

1 comment:

  1. One journey of yours has concluded only to open up to the beginning of the next.



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