Saturday, October 12, 2013
And the world crumbled down...
Right now, we have been separated for over 2 years. She move out and I funded the move. I give her about half my paycheck everytime I get paid; she has full health coverage from my job; I give her money when she needs a little extra; I do extra little things for her; I help out with picking up the kids; she has not had a job since we got married and only a very term job during the separation; her sources income include a part time job as a fitness instructor and whatever she can earn through her paintings she sells online.
Now, there have been times when I've tried to cure my illness - through various means and methods - but as of the writing of the post, nothing has worked.
Oneitis is an insidious disease. It is primarily a mental illness - because in reality it's not a physical thing that makes you do put these woman in that special place. We do it through our thoughts, through feelings, and through our actions. Much like an addict, I pretty much loathe my actions and what I do. Oh, I have my justifications - and "for the kids" is the biggest - but that's not really it - I do it because I in the back of my mind, I think that we'll get back together, be in "love" and live the rest of our lives together. I'm caught up in the male version of a Disney fantasy.
Well, today, on a whim, I decided to drive by her place (I have the kids this weekend, so she's got time to play) and guess what, there's a car there. Now this is early in the morning on Saturday - not many reasons a car would be there unless, she had a sleep over.
All I can say, is it sucks and it's time to let go of my addiction and live my life. Believe that's enough bearing of the soul for today - I've got to figure out how to kick my addiction and get on with living my life.
Eyes front Gentlemen, because that's where your life is coming from....Stay strong Brothers. Live, Learn, Lead.