Sunday, September 29, 2013

I'll have to do this alone...

Getting older is both a curse and a blessing.  With age comes perspective.  We can see events from our lives with much more clarity as we distance ourselves from them, but it comes at a price - we also become jaded by those experiences.

As a I read posts from various men on the internet, I wonder why we (as men) put so much stock in what others think about us.  We crave the connection between ourselves and that special someone else (and yes, I'm specifically talking about women).  We seek that elusive feeling.  I'm not necessarily talking about sex, I'm talking about that connection with someone else - the one that binds you, the one that makes you want to drop everything in your life and just be with that person.

I've felt that for several woman in my life.  And when I've had that connection, there wasn't anything I wouldn't do for them.  Now, from experience, I know that feeling is fleeting, it doesn't last - and I also know from experience that once it goes, you are left with such emptiness, a blankness, a pain worse than any other, will also fade.

That's where the jaded part comes in.  If you know the outcome of a situation, it puts a dark cloud on the whole thing.  And before you even start, you wonder if it's worth the effort.

Which is why, the key part of a man's existence is being "in tune" with what he wants.  As I look back, those times when I knew, deep down, that I was pursuing my goal (or dream) and so focused on it, nothing else mattered as much.  Women could come and go, money could come and go, friends could come and go - it really didn't matter much.  And if I was with that "special someone" - it only enhanced the experience - it never took away from it.  There is something special about being in that flow - oh, you'll get tested, that never stops - but it's like a boxer pulling their punches, they're real, but not really damaging.

I believe that's why I'm having such a hard time now and for the past few years.  I have the experience, but I'm allowing my thoughts of "is it worth it" to cloud my judgement.  I'm making too many decisions from the wrong side of my logic - seeing the eventual end rather than the pursuit of the dream and the pure, simple happiness it creates in my life.

Stay strong Brothers.  Live, Learn, Lead.

1 comment:

  1. You comment about "why we (as men) put so much stock in what others think about us" reminds me about the 18, 40, 60 rule that my father taught me.

    At 18, you care about what others think and what they think influences how you act and behave.

    At 40, you decide that you decide that you're gonna do what you want and you don't care what other people think.

    At 60, you realize that nobody was thinking about you anyway.

    Wald

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